Family Meetings: Discovering and living your family values
First, let's set the stage with some realistic expectations. If you’re imagining a calm, focused meeting where each family member quietly shares their successes and challenges for the week, let me assure you—that’s not our reality. Our family meetings are often chaotic and sometimes tricky to manage. So why do we keep going? Because amidst the chaos, we are catching glimpses of growing love, connection, and emotional maturity in our boys. Despite the haphazard nature of these gatherings, we are dedicated to this weekly ritual. We believe that, in the long run, this family time will become a platform for collaboratively solving problems, ensuring everyone’s voice is heard, and celebrating our individual and collective successes. For now, our goal is to introduce the boys to the concept of regular family meetings, providing ample practice for them to develop their communication, listening, and problem-solving skills. How it looks and sounds will evolve and strengthen over time.
Let's explore how you can implement and sustain this family practice in your household.
Meeting Preparation: Crafting Your Family Manifesto
Start by spending an hour together crafting your Family Manifesto. This isn't just a list of rules—it's a declaration of your family's values, how you want to treat each other, and how you engage with the world. Here’s how to get started:
Involve Everyone: Give your children a significant role in shaping the manifesto. Their input is vital, and it empowers them to take ownership of the family values.
Be Creative: Encourage kids to get crafty! Use markers, stickers, and colorful paper to make the manifesto visually appealing.
Display Prominently: Once completed, place the manifesto where everyone can see it daily. The kitchen is a great spot!
Create a Ritual: Consider establishing a daily ritual like kissing the manifesto or touching it before leaving the house to keep it top of mind.
Example Manifesto Points:
We speak kindly and listen to each other.
We value fun and set aside time for play.
We help each other and work together as a team.
Setting the Stage: Meeting Frequency and Rituals
Weekly meetings are recommended to keep the momentum going. Here are some ideas to make these meetings special:
Clearing the space: You might like to decorate/set the table or light a candle to signify that it’s a special time.
Talking Stick or Funny Hat: Introduce a talking stick or a funny hat that must be held or worn to speak. This ensures everyone gets a turn.
Special Snacks: Prepare a favourite snack together. Involving kids in the preparation can make it even more special.
Post-Meeting Activity: Plan a fun family activity to look forward to after the meeting. Our boys love a family wrestle following our meeting!
Meeting Agenda: Structure and Roles
A well-structured meeting ensures everyone has a voice and keeps things on track. Here’s a sample agenda:
Celebrations and Appreciations: Start on a positive note. Appreciate something about each family member and celebrate personal achievements from the past week.
Problems and Solutions: Create a space where members can raise a challenge and then work together to identify possible solutions to address the problem. This could be revisiting a disagreement between two family members or a challenge at school. The key here is lots of empathy and encouraging a wide range of solution ideas.
Upcoming Week's Calendar: Walkthrough the schedule for the upcoming week. This helps get everyone on the same page about upcoming plans.
Goals for the Week: Set 1 - 2 family goals to work on for the week.
Family Snack and Activity: Conclude with the prepared snack and a fun activity. You might like to close your meeting with a reinforcing statement, "We are a team and we are lucky to have each other."
Roles for Smooth Meetings
Assigning roles can make meetings more organized and engaging. Rotate these roles each week:
Activity Chooser: Picks the post-meeting activity.
Note Taker: Records decisions and important points.
Leader: Guides the meeting and keeps everyone on track.
Snack Maker: Helps prepare the meeting snack.
Give it a go and see what works for your family. Having an open mind and long-term view will mean that meetings that don’t go to plan don’t put a stop to making an ongoing commitment - this is especially important when you have very young children. Think of the team meetings as scaffolding for the future and stay curious about what will unfold!
